


Live or Die This Way

by skripka



Category: NCIS
Genre: Aftermath, Canonical Character Death, Cussing, Episode Spoilers, Episode: s01e19 Dead Man Talking, Episode: s02e23 Twilight, M/M, Porn with Feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-07-14
Updated: 2005-07-14
Packaged: 2019-10-26 17:51:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,985
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17750633
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/skripka/pseuds/skripka
Summary: He was committed to whatever insanity had gripped Gibbs.





	Live or Die This Way

Work was hard. Tony hated looking at the desk across from him. Cleared of anything that had life, that was Kate's... it was just too painful.

There was the fact that Gibbs hadn't hired a replacement; now that worried Tony. He knew that Morrow had mentioned it, but in typical Gibbs-like stubbornness, his boss had pretty much avoided the issue.

Tony was managing the extra work pretty well. Tim was cracking a bit, but between Tony and Abby, they were managing to keep him together. 

Tony never said anything to anyone...but in bitter, dark moments, he thought Kate's death had been good for the team. They were closer than ever. It didn't help suture the gaping hole they all knew was there, and it sure as hell didn't make up for her death. But it was something, at least.

At the end of the day, McGee stood, and left with only a nod to Tony. Gibbs was still engrossed in something—something that Tony wasn't sure he wanted to know about. He tapped a pencil against his lip and studied Gibbs. They had found no leads on Ari's location, not through official channels, but Tony wasn't convinced Gibbs wouldn't go underground this time.

Tony frowned. He knew, all too well, how easy it was to get sucked into the lure of easy information. Some of the gray market was awfully dark. This had gone beyond simple obsession to near-jihad for Gibbs. 

Not that Tony blamed him. If he had information, no matter how black market it was, he would have traded it to Gibbs for a chance to face Ari at the end of a gun.

"Don't you have somewhere to be, DiNozzo?" Gibbs' bark snapped Tony out of his reverie. He dropped his feet noisily to the floor and shook his head.

"Nah." Twisting, he grabbed his jacket. "Sometimes, watching you turn yourself into a knot is entertainment enough for any man." Tony ignored Gibbs' glare as he headed out. "See you Monday, Boss."

Tony's car was parked in the garage. He got in, and put his head down on the steering wheel. Damn. Damn, damn, damn, fuck, damn. He hated this. Hated the impotent feeling of not getting any closer to revenge. Hated the feeling of wanting revenge, too. God, he was turning into Gibbs.

As if the thought conjured the man, Tony jumped at the knock on his window. He turned the ignition, and rolled down the window. "Boss?"

Gibbs face was in shadow—Tony could only gauge his mood by the sound of his breathing, which was even and mostly normal. "You got your kit?" 

Tony nodded. "Yeah." Gibbs grunted; Tony thought he heard approval.

"Switch places. I'm driving."

There was no question about it, it was an order, and Tony jumped to obey. He opened the door and got out. As he jogged to the passenger seat, Gibbs tossed his own kit in the back.

The two of them buckled in near unison. "Got a lead, Boss?" Gibbs didn't answer, just peeled out of the garage. Tony gripped the oh-shit-handle and tried to hide his wince. 

Gibbs took one of his usual, twisty routes to the beltway. The traffic was typical for a Friday in DC, but that never deterred the man. Tony just hung on stoically. No point in making a fuss now—he was committed to whatever insanity had gripped Gibbs.

They drove in silence. Once, Tony reached for the radio, but Gibbs slapped his hand away. Tony sighed in resignation. Gibbs had a plan, apparently, and music had no part. 

Neither did food. Tony's stomach gurgled a bit as they got onto I-270, but he ignored it. It wasn't until they were just south of Fredrick that the noises and discomfort got to be too much. 

"Um, Boss?"

Gibbs grimaced in response, but pulled off at the next exit. Thankfully, there was a McDonalds, and Tony was able to go inside, wash his hands, and order a Big-Mac meal. Gibbs grunted, "To go," to the bored cashier and got a large coffee.

Tony shrugged, accepted his cup, and filled it, wondering if Gibbs lived on anything besides caffeine. Oh, there was the occasional burger or slice of pizza, but those were the exceptions. Gibbs stood by the counter, impatient, and thrust the bag at Tony as soon as it hit formica.

Tony shrugged again, popped a fry into his mouth, and followed Gibbs back to the parking lot. The air was thick with humidity and the smell of grease. "Still not letting me in on your grand scheme?" asked Tony as he settled into his seat, food cooling between his feet.

"Nope." Tony supposed he should be grateful that Gibbs at least scanned the parking lot before pulling out.

Tony munched his food, sipped his soda, and stared out at the road as the highways narrowed. The light faded, and Tony didn't bother fighting with his eyelids. It wasn't like he didn't trust Gibbs with his life in the field. How different could this be?

The car stopped, and Tony peeled his face from the glass. He blinked and looked at his watch. Nine-thirteen. He blinked again and watched as Gibbs negotiated with the clerk at the seedy-looking motel. Tony groaned. Typical, cheap NCIS reimbursement. Unless this was about black market information. Then it was typical, cheap Gibbs.

Tony twisted his neck and peered at the faded sign. Altoona Tooter Inn. Sounded like a real class joint. What kind of info could Gibbs find in Altoona? Tony frowned and tried to work through the fuzz in his head.

Not that it mattered, because Gibbs was at the car again. "Come on, DiNozzo. Get the kits." Tony caught both sets of keys and read the number on the motel's tag. 217. He nodded stupidly, grabbed Gibbs' kit from the back seat, and his from the trunk.

Gibbs had already opened the room. Tony shuddered at the brown and avocado decor and the surely-an-electrical-hazard lighting. "Nice place," he pointed out, dubious.

"It's safe," Gibbs grunted from the bathroom nook, rubbing his face with a towel. Tony frowned again.

"The window faces the highway. And I don't trust that lamp."

Gibbs looked where Tony was pointing, and laughed shortly. "It's a wagon wheel, DiNozzo. Classic Americana. And I'm not worried about the highway."

Tony raised his eyebrow. "Oh?"

Gibbs shrugged. "Hand me my kit. I need to brush my teeth. Then it's your turn. Toilet's in there." He turned back to the nook and pointed towards his right. Tony didn't think, just reacted. 

The kits got put on the counter, and Tony closed the door behind himself and took a nice long piss. He sighed in pleasure, and wondered how Gibbs had lasted this long. The man was inhuman. Tony peeked out the door, and saw Gibbs had abandoned the sink. 

Tony rummaged, found the brush and paste, and scrubbed his teeth. He rubbed his tongue over the front, shrugged, and splashed some water on his face. Now was a good time to regret not repacking his kit after the last overnighter, because he was out of his good soap. Oh, well. Spilled milk.

Gibbs was staring out the window. It wasn't much of a highway in this part of Altoona, just a four-lane road with stoplights every block. A train whistle sounded forlornly in the distance. Tony stepped behind Gibbs and watched the street for a moment before getting utterly bored.

"At least they're not blinking lights. That'd be _really_ excitng." Tony grinned sarcastically as Gibbs turned and gave him a look. "Okay, Gibbs. Enough with the master spy thing. Not that I'm not happy to be part of your... whatever-it-is... but it'd kind of help if I knew what my role was going to be."

Gibbs' eyes narrowed as he watched Tony, his gaze as intense as Tony had ever seen it. Tony didn't flinch. It wasn't like he hadn't suffered it before. "Seriously, Boss. You gotta..."

Tony's question was forgotten as Gibbs grabbed his face and kissed him.

As far as kisses went, it wasn't the best kiss Tony had ever had. It was brusque, hard, and fast, just like Gibbs. Tony was too stunned to do more than stand there, shocked. But there was a burning at the base of his spine, and his stomach did flip flops, even as he pulled away and stared at Gibbs.

That reaction... only one kiss had done that to him before. Tony kissed, yes, who didn't? But it was a way to get to the main event, just something everyone expected. Something Tony expected. Until he'd kissed Voss.

At the time, he thought it was because he... no, she... was hot. And aggressive, and well, hot for him. 

That was his story. 

Hell, Tony had convinced himself, right?

And now...

"Jesus fuck, Gibbs!" Tony all but shouted. "What the hell was that?"

Gibbs snorted and twitched the curtain closed. "Gotta work on your observation, DiNozzo." He turned back and watched Tony some more.

Tony's heart was pounding, his thoughts were racing, and god-fucking-damn-it, his dick was not getting hard. "I'm not gay," he protested.

"Never said you were." Gibbs didn't move. Tony backed away, the wall at his back suddenly.

Tony shook his head. "You're not gay, either."

Gibbs didn't help Tony's sanity by nodding in agreement. "Nope."

"Then what the fuck, Gibbs?" Tony rubbed his hand across his lips. Why were they still tingling?

GIbbs shrugged. "I needed to do that. To let you know." He looked away, finally. Tony caught an undercurrent of embarrassment. 

"Let me know what, exactly?" 

Eyes sharp, Gibbs looked directly at Tony again. "I have nothing to lose, Tony."

Tony didn't say anything. Gibbs sighed. "Figured there were a few possible scenarios. You could respond, we could have sex, I'd be lucky. If I were luckier, you'd sue my ass off for sexual harassment, they'd fire me, and I'd go and hunt down Ari on my own. And the best scenario of all? You'd freak out, just like this, you'd run away from NCIS, and you'd be safe."

Gibbs' gaze didn't waver. "You may not want any help from me, DiNozzo, but I've got contacts down in Raleigh. It's a good department, and I'd be sure you'd get a good recommendation."

He couldn't believe it. No fucking way was Gibbs getting out of this. Not that easy. "You think you can just toss me out this way?" Gibbs frowned.

"Doing, DiNozzo, not thinking." Tony interrupted before Gibbs got any further.

"Damn straight, you're not thinking." He pushed off the wall and poked his finger at Gibbs' chest. "I may be a screw up, but I don't back down. And you sure as hell don't."

Tony would have laughed hysterically if he wasn't so goddamned pissed off. Gibbs was backing away from him. "You're not straight. Fine. I can deal with it. I may not be straight. I'll deal with that. But you don't get to drag me to fucking Altoona, kiss me, and try to fucking fire me!"

"I'm not..."

"The hell you aren't!" Tony reached for Gibbs, found himself with a handful of fabric, yanked the man closer and oh holy shit, he was going to get his ass kicked for manhandling his goddamned boss and ...

This kiss was much better. Teeth clacking together, the faint taste of toothpaste, Gibbs' mouth opening under his. God, Tony was going to fly apart just from kissing another man. He groaned as they clung to each other.

Too much. Tony pulled away, sat down on the bed heavily, and gave into hysterical laughter. He was so hard it hurt. He was so not convinced he was straight anymore. 

Gibbs sat down beside him. "It's a big thing, Tony. You'd still be safer far away from me."

Tony shook his head as the laughter subsided. "You think Ari is going to let any of us live? No matter where we go, he'll fucking mess with us. I'm not scared of him, Gibbs."

Gibbs snorted. "You have more bravado than sense, DiNozzo."

"Yeah, well, like that's news." Tony turned to look at Gibbs, giving Gibbs his most winning smile. "So."

"So?" Tony managed to hold back his snicker at Gibbs' slightly confused look.

"It's your move."

Gibbs growled. "I'm not looking for a pity fuck."

Tony shrugged back. "And I'm not looking to give you one." He sighed. "Look, Gibbs. My dick doesn't care if you're a guy, obviously. I'm...well, I'm not one-hundred percent on board, but really? What's the difference?"

Gibbs gave Tony an incredulous look. "Between sex with men and sex with women?"

Tony smiled wryly. "I talk with Abby, Gibbs. I had some gay friends in college. And, as surprising as it may be, I've actually thought about sexuality and that crap." He ignored Gibbs' raised eyebrow and continued. "It's all about perspective, Gibbs. These past few months? I almost died from pneumonic plague, not to mention I've been shot at, sliced up, and blown up. Tends to make any fears of not-being-straight kind of secondary. Times change, generations have different ideas." He leaned backwards on his elbows, making himself comfortable on the bed.

"And having sex with me is an idea?" Gibbs' voice began to sound dangerous. 

"That's not what I meant."

"Then what did you mean, DiNozzo?" Yeah, Tony could hear anger in Gibbs' words. He sat up.

"Look, Gibbs. I'm not blind. You're not bad looking for an o...a guy." Thankfully, Tony caught himself before sticking his foot in his mouth. "You know we get along, mostly." He shrugged. "Frankly, we have more of a relationship than most girls I've ever dated." Tony tried to not sound bitter about that, and took a deep breath. "We're far away from work, which is what I suppose this whole thing is about. I'm willing to at least make out with you, if you are."

Gibbs rolled his eyes and got off the bed. "Hey!" protested Tony.

"I'm not looking for a pity fuck and I'm not looking to be your 'experiment,' either, DiNozzo." Gibbs picked up his jacket. "I'll be in the car. Come out when you're ready to leave."

Recklessly, Tony shot out of the bed and placed himself between Gibbs and the door. "I'm not going anywhere, and neither are you." 

Gibbs' eyes turned flinty, and he growled, "You think you can stop me?"

"Maybe not. But I know you, Gibbs. If I let you out this door, you're going to disappear. You're going to leave NCIS and hunt Ari until one of you is dead." Tony caught the twitch in Gibbs' cheek, and knew his hunch was right. He lowered his voice. "It'll probably be you, you know. And I bet you don't care." Tony paused to let that sink in. "Well, I do. At the very least you owe me."

"I don't owe you a damn thing, Tony," hissed Gibbs.

"You do!" Tony risked his hand by poking Gibbs in the chest. "You owe me, you even owe McGee a chance at that bastard. You go off? We're following you."

"The hell you are."

Tony glared. "Try and stop us." Gibbs reached around Tony, and Tony grabbed his arm. Suddenly, their faces were inches apart. Tony heard Gibbs' harsh breathing and felt Gibbs' pulse under his fingers. He yanked and crashed their mouths together again.

Violent, hot, and hard. God, Tony couldn't get enough of this. Kissing Gibbs was like nothing... somehow, Gibbs twisted out of Tony's grip and Tony found himself slammed against the door.

Hands tightened around his wrists, painful thumbs pressing into his tendons, and he gasped into Gibbs' mouth. Heat surged through Tony. His brain was stuck on permanent loop oh god oh god god god god...

A thigh was between his legs, pressing just so, and Gibbs still hadn't come up for breath. Tony whimpered, dizzy from lust and lack of air. He wasn't going to last, not with Gibbs' mouth and hands and leg and body...

Gibbs ripped away from Tony's mouth and growled. "Fuck you, DiNozzo," even as he twisted Tony's earlobe between his teeth viciously. Electricity shot down Tony' s spine as he shouted and arched against Gibbs. One more twist combined with the pressure, and Tony came in his pants, flushing with embarrassment and groaning with relief.

Tony slumped slightly, held in place only by Gibbs' grip as Gibbs grunted into his neck, grinding harder and faster against Tony. Tony moaned and twisted as much as he could, needing to see Gibbs fall over that edge.

It was over too soon: Gibbs grunted, cursed under his breath and stilled against Tony. The two of them were breathing in unison. "Holy shit," muttered Tony.

Gibbs chuckled. "Something wrong, DiNozzo?" He stood up and let go of Tony's wrists with a groan.

Tony leaned heavily against the door and opened his eyes, almost surprised to find them shut in the first place. "Do I get to call you Jethro now?" He wasn't very surprised by the smack that skimmed the top of his head, and laughed. "Guess we're spending the night?" It was a half-question. Tony suddenly felt attached to the ugly hotel room.

Gibbs rolled his eyes and held out his hand to yank Tony from the door. "You got a better idea?" Tony grinned and shook his head. He leaned forward and kissed Gibbs again. Yeah, that was the stuff.

"Doubt I'm going anywhere until my pants dry." Gibbs gave Tony a look, and Tony pointed down. "Went commando today."

Gibbs' response was a groan and another kiss. "Hurry up, Tony," he said as he pushed Tony towards the sink. "I'm not waiting for you." Tony laughed and unbuckled his belt. It was going to be a long night if he had anything to say about it.

**Author's Note:**

> Written, belatedly, for the first NCIS ficathon; "Starting from zero, we got nothing to lose." Fast Car, Tracy Chapman. Mad love to the audience who listened to me bitch and moan. Extra mad love liek whoa to beta-folk kernelm and blueraccoon. 
> 
> (retitled from "Living With It")


End file.
